Some funny stories...
Is Window$ a virus?
No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do: They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that. Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, Windows does that too. Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. Sigh... Windows does that, too. Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow and the user will buy new hardware. Yup, that's with Windows, too. Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature. So Windows is not a virus. It's a bug.
Talking frog
A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero" The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want." Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The man said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."
New messages that are under consideration for the planned Windows Longhorn:
- Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
- Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
- Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
- Press any key except ... no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!
- Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test.
- Close your eyes and press escape three times.
- Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
- This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
- Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)"
- This is a message from God Gates: "Rebooting the world. Please log off."
- To "shut down" your system, type "WIN."
- BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.
- COFFEE.SYS missing... Insert cup in cup holder and press any key.
- CONGRESS.SYS corrupted... Reboot Washington D. C? (Y/N)
- File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
- Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
- Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
- Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
- WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL & PAPER.SYS)
- User Error: Replace user.
- Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)"
- Welcome to Microsoft's World - Your Mortgage is Past Due...
- If you are an artist, you should know that Bill Gates owns you and all your future creations. Doesn't it feel nice to have security?
- Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles have been deleted. The police are on the way.